Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - North Mississippi - (Page 41)

How to Reach Out Find ComFort in ConneCting A Yale study in 2007 found yearning to be the most common psychological response to a loss. Tousley prefers “longing” or “missing” to describe the emotion. Whatever it’s called, it’s powerful. When I caught myself going to the phone to call Mom on Sundays, stabbing pain clenched my heart. The longing eases but never goes away, Tousley says. That’s why both West and I do things to connect with our mothers. Tousley says it’s normal that I pad around in my mother’s slippers and reread her letters. West has a special box of memories she goes through, including photographs and the lipsticks she and her mother wore at West’s wedding. These connections provide comfort as they bring our loved ones close to us. On special dates—birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, holidays—longing intensifies. “Don’t let those days sneak up on you,” Tousley says. “Don’t wait until that morning to decide what to do. You may do nothing, or do a ritual. Just think about it ahead of time.” Simple, sincere acts and words mean a lot to people who are grieving. “Sometimes, for fear of saying or doing ‘the wrong thing,’ we avoid the person altogether, but that is the worst thing we can do,” says Jamie Grissom, North Mississippi Medical Center Hospice bereavement coordinator. Here are some tips: • Encourage the person to share. Listen carefully and don’t rush. • Realize you can’t erase sorrow. Focus on the mourner’s story, not your own. • Help your friend find ways to express emotions. Expect sudden bursts, but let the tears flow. Touch and offer a hug if appropriate. • Gaze at water or stars together as you ponder life and talk. • Schedule regular contact. Mark down days of significance for the person and get in touch on those days. • Invite the person to socialize. Alcohol is a depressant, so be wary of it. Instead, consider invitations to exercise and engage in other healthy social outlets. online ACCeptAnCe, purpose And growth Although 10 to 15 percent of people suffer from what Tousley calls problematic grief that requires professional intervention (signs include drug abuse, isolation and suicidal thoughts), most accept their loss and adapt. Columbia University researchers found that “resilience in the face of loss ... is more common than is often believed.” West volunteers and oversees a scholarship in her mother’s name to aid students from singleparent homes. I volunteer in honor of my mother. Helping others provides purpose. Delaney is a model of healthy resiliency. “You learn to accept it,” she says of loss. “You miss them, but don’t feel sorry for yourself. Get up and go.” When You Need Help Healing, We’re Here NMMC Hospice provides bereavement care for those who have lost a loved one. Phone calls and letters, plus being available to talk whenever needed, help ease grief and the transition. Visit www.nmhs.net/hospice.php to learn more. * Name has been changed to protect privacy. Vim & Vigor • WI NTER 2011 41 http://www.nmhs.net/hospice.php

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - North Mississippi

Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - North Mississippi
Contents
Opening Thoughts
Getting Back to Life
ACT Now!
Lingering Memories
Accumulating Accolades
Back in Action
Supplementary Knowledge
Keys to Survival
Clearing the Air
Mark Harmon of NCIS fame makes 60 look good
This One’s for the Girls
Life After a Loss
Do Your Diabetes Homework
Healthy Returns
Care for the Caregiver
Gaining Control
Moving Forward
Catch the Spirit

Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - North Mississippi