Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - Parrish Medical Center - (Page 40)

If y ou c ly r e l a x . , s im p ep r it ion in s m a l sle ler m eal s . et nut ’t G n a il tm D ri nk wa . er t Ge d i xerc e se. L o et t rs he he lp you for a LeT IT ouT n ge . cha Take Care of You After someone close to you dies, numbness is common. This is a time to minimize stress and focus on self-care. Delaney was on her own after her husband died. She had been his caregiver, as West was for her mother. When he died, Delaney says her “brain was tired.” She carefully avoided making big decisions, such as moving. Another healthy action, Tousley notes, was that Delaney avoided isolation. Delaney says she told herself, “I’ve got to learn something. I’ve got to get out of the house.” She started playing cards at a senior center, made new friends and joined a gym. Caregivers may face an extra-hard time with grief, Tousley says. “They tend to neglect their own physical care. They’ve spent so much of their recent life caring for someone. I ask them when was the last time they saw their doctor.” When West’s mother died, West couldn’t sleep or eat—common reactions, Tousley says. If you can’t sleep, simply relax. Get nutrition in smaller meals. Drink water. Get mild exercise. Let others help you for a change. A week after my mother died, I didn’t know what else to do and went back to work. “For some, that’s exactly what they need,” Tousley says. “You have to figure out what works for you.” But accept that grief doesn’t follow a timetable or distinct stages, she adds. It’s more like a roller coaster. “It’s a ride you can’t get off of, and you can’t predict ups and downs.” Tears are natural, although not everyone has them, and that’s OK, too. West says she “unloaded” on her husband and friends with episodes of crying. To control crying so you can function, Tousley suggests setting aside time for it. “Think about ‘dosing’ your grief. It makes us feel a little more in control.” For example, keep it together for two hours, go to a private place, let out your feelings, then continue your day. Writing in a journal can be effective, especially if a person feels regret, guilt or anger. “Get it out onto paper. Get it out of your head,” Tousley says. (Websites such as remembered-forever.org or Facebook.com provide online outlets.) Some may choose to share their writing or light a match to it and let the smoke rise up, as if to reach the deceased, Tousley says. For me, it was cathartic to write a note to my mother to express gratitude. To “deliver” the note, I leaned it against her urn. open up After you have had a few months to adjust after a loss, and emotions are less raw, Tousley says support groups may help. “You don’t have to explain why you feel bad,” she says. “But some people aren’t ‘group people.’ ” West and I weren’t, so we found support in other ways, mostly through talking and reliving memories with siblings and those close to our mothers. For people who don’t have a “functional” family or who come from a family in which a loss has opened or worsened a rift, support is even more important, Tousley says. Seek human contact, whether with friends and co-workers, online or in support groups. 40 Vim & Vigor • W i n ter 2 011 http://www.remembered-forever.org http://www.Facebook.com

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - Parrish Medical Center

Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - Parrish Medical Center
Contents
Tasty Tips
Opening Thoughts
Community Calendar
Delegation of Authority
Back in Action
Supplementary Knowledge
Keys to Survival
Clearing the Air
Mark Harmon of NCIS fame makes 60 look good
This One’s for the Girls
Life After a Loss
Do Your Diabetes Homework
Healthy Returns
Making Time
Exercise Disguised as Fun
Community Health: Sleep apnea
Foundation Focus: Gifts make a difference
Ask the Expert: Rotator cuff tears and tendinitis

Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - Parrish Medical Center