Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - Parrish Medical Center - (Page 41)

How to Reach Out Find ComFort in ConneCting A Yale study in 2007 found yearning to be the most common psychological response to a loss. Tousley prefers “longing” or “missing” to describe the emotion. Whatever it’s called, it’s powerful. When I caught myself going to the phone to call Mom on Sundays, stabbing pain clenched my heart. The longing eases but never goes away, Tousley says. That’s why both West and I do things to connect with our mothers. Tousley says it’s normal that I pad around in my mother’s slippers and reread her letters. West has a special box of memories she goes through, including photographs and the lipsticks she and her mother wore at West’s wedding. These connections provide comfort as they bring our loved ones close to us. On special dates—birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, holidays—longing intensifies. “Don’t let those days sneak up on you,” Tousley says. “Don’t wait until that morning to decide what to do. You may do nothing, or do a ritual. Just think about it ahead of time.” Simple, sincere acts and words mean a lot to people who are grieving. “Sometimes, for fear of saying or doing ‘the wrong thing,’ we avoid the person altogether, but that is the worst thing we can do,” says the Rev. Jerald Smith, chaplain at Parrish Medical Center. Here are some of his tips: • Listen. Encourage the person to share. Be fully present and don’t rush. • Focus on the mourner’s story, not your own. • Expect sudden bursts, but let the tears flow. A caring touch or hug, if appropriate, can be especially comforting. Ask permission to be sure. • Understand that people grieve in different ways. Each loss is different. There is no “right” way to mourn. • Stay in touch. Mark down days of significance for the person and get in touch on those days. • Invite the person to socialize. Consider invitations to exercise and engage in other healthy social outlets. But be wary of alcohol, which is a depressant. Although 10 to 15 percent of people suffer from what Tousley calls problematic grief that requires professional intervention (signs include drug abuse, isolation and suicidal thoughts), most accept their loss and adapt. Columbia University researchers found that “resilience in the face of loss ... is more common than is often believed.” West volunteers and oversees a scholarship in her mother’s name to aid students from singleparent homes. I volunteer in honor of my mother. Helping others provides purpose. Delaney is a model of healthy resiliency. “You learn to accept it,” she says of loss. “You miss them, but don’t feel sorry for yourself. Get up and go.” CALL ACCeptAnCe, purpose And growth Grief Support Close to Home Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one or the loss of good health, support is available by calling Parrish Medical Center’s chaplain, the Rev. Jerald Smith, at 321-268-6111, ext. 3526. * Name has been changed to protect privacy. Vim & Vigor • WI NTER 2011 41

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - Parrish Medical Center

Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - Parrish Medical Center
Contents
Tasty Tips
Opening Thoughts
Community Calendar
Delegation of Authority
Back in Action
Supplementary Knowledge
Keys to Survival
Clearing the Air
Mark Harmon of NCIS fame makes 60 look good
This One’s for the Girls
Life After a Loss
Do Your Diabetes Homework
Healthy Returns
Making Time
Exercise Disguised as Fun
Community Health: Sleep apnea
Foundation Focus: Gifts make a difference
Ask the Expert: Rotator cuff tears and tendinitis

Vim & Vigor - Winter 2011 - Parrish Medical Center